Funniest Women’s Tweets: The sharp and pithy humor of the women of Twitter never fails to make our day better. HuffPost Women compiles their amusing musings every week.
The best tweets from women this week are included below. For older collections, see our page titled “Funniest Tweets From Women.”
Funniest Women’s Tweets:
every time I have 2 drinks in my system i’m like OH! TIME TO TELL EVERYONE THAT THEY ARE LOVED, BY ME
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) October 28, 2022
Everyone needs a Content Friend (someone you send 5-100 links to per day stream of consciousness style)
— kelsey weekman (@kelsaywhat) October 26, 2022
Good morning? GOOD MORNING!? Did you know that it’s nighttime in some parts of the world??? Your privilege is showing.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) October 24, 2022
— Louisa (@weezy__f_baby) October 25, 2022
You think after 11 years of marriage you really know your spouse, and then last night I found out mine uses his notes app by keeping EVERYTHING – grocery lists, reminders, birthday present ideas – in ONE LONG NOTE
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 23, 2022
One thing about me if you let me into your house I am going to walk around and rotate all the lampshades so you can’t see the seam. This is the service I provide
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) October 26, 2022
You should uproot your entire life and move to my city so we can hang out once a month
— April Clark (@autogynefiles) October 27, 2022
getting botox not for aging reasons but to stop my face from being able to react to things before my brain gets a chance to weigh in
— nash flynn, (@itsnashflynn) October 24, 2022
Everyone has their strengths. Mine is picking the grocery store checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a grocery store checkout line before in their life.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 27, 2022
sometimes when we’re working through an argument david and I will cite the specific city hall worker who officiated our ceremony from his desk like “we promised hugh nguyen we’d stick through this”
— sloane (sîpihkopiyesîs) (@cottoncandaddy) October 26, 2022
as a child watching harry potter, i thought moaning myrtle was played by daniel radcliffe in drag
— yasmin (@ycsm1n) October 22, 2022
I've been recommending Severance to my sister for weeks. She called me yesterday and said, "I am not really getting the sci fi aspect of it. Does that come later? Do the siblings find out they're in an experiment or something?" She was watching Succession.
— Meg Conley (@_megconley) October 24, 2022
the “former gifted kid” to “burnt-out-perfectionist-with-a-praise-kink” pipeline
— Dani Donovan 👩🏻🎨 ADHD Comics (@danidonovan) October 22, 2022
one of the worst things that can happen to a person is being born into a sports franchise fan base that has bad colors
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) October 27, 2022
Men will ruin your whole life then come back and like your picture
— Nッ (@Noorthevirgo) October 27, 2022
Everyone talks about having an inner child but I have an inner raccoon who tells me to embrace the dark circles under my eyes, sleep all day and eat delicious trash
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) October 25, 2022
Regular Jeopardy: This is the migration pattern of the spotted owl.
Celebrity Jeopardy: The opposite of short is this.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) October 23, 2022
My save for later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.3 million dollars.
— Laura (@laura_nov05) October 24, 2022
Being an adult is terrible but I thank God everyday that I don't have to randomly run a mile at noon against my will and then go on about my day like we did in school
— McErin☘️ (@colleen_eileen) October 25, 2022
police: *takes my mugshot*
me: send me that.
— NE$$ (@highoffness) October 27, 2022
this room would cost like $2,000 a month in new york city pic.twitter.com/f5Tqe54TZ3
— bethany (@fiImgal) October 26, 2022
I remember when I was younger my dad woke us up at like 7am saying he had a surprise for us & he walked us to the kitchen and said “don’t y’all ever go to sleep with my kitchen looking like this” he sassy for that 😭😭😭
— bernice (@allaboutnya) October 24, 2022
outlook: I'm the most powerful office tool ever made. I can search every email you've ever received and keep track of the meetings you have six months from now
me: I would like to still view an attachment after someone replies to the email
outlook: [confused hissing]
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) October 24, 2022
At a certain point, you age into using the term "okey doke."
It comes for us all
— Imani Gandied Yams🍂 @email@example.com (@AngryBlackLady) October 26, 2022
- The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Oct. 29-nov. 4)
- 63% Of Americans Support The Federal Government Sending More Inflation Relief, According To Stimulus Checks.
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